Marriage Will Add Happiness to Your Life
Most people overestimate the benefits of getting married while
underestimating the problems. Most people think that getting married
will make them happier, feel more connected, and bring move love
into their lives. In reality, marriages also limit people’s
freedom and autonomy, marriages constrain choices, and getting married
increases the likelihood of conflict (disputes over time, money,
Simply put, most people enter marriage with unrealistic
expectations of what is going to happen, which ultimately results
in disappointment, anger, and frustration. Unfortunately, people
expect marriages to be source of happiness and joy, when, in fact,
marriages are a source of much happiness AND much frustration.
fact, research show that people are more likely to be mean to a
spouse than to a complete stranger. People are more likely to show
disregard, indifference, and anger to a spouse compared to how they
would treat a stranger. This happens because close relationships,
not only create rewards, but they also create problems. And unfortunately,
most people are not ready or well prepared to deal with the problems.
Romantic, Passionate Love Will Last
There are two types of love. The type of love that rules our decision
making at the start of a relationship – romantic, passionate,
love. And there is the type of love that makes a relationship work
– companionate love. Romantic, passionate love is exciting,
intense and all encompassing. Companionate love is based on affection,
appreciation and companionship.
Most people marry because they are
swept up in romantic, passionate love, not realizing that this type
of love is going to fade. Romantic, passionate love always fades
– especially after two years of marriage.
And when it starts
to fade, if you do not have a deep appreciation for your spouse
– companionate love – your spouse is not your best friend
– your marriage is going be difficult to maintain. Unfortunately,
we select spouses on the basis of romantic love, but companionate
love is what really matters in the long run.
Love is Enough
Love is never enough to make a relationship work. People think
that love will carry them through all of their difficult times.
But, in reality, more than just love is needed to make a relationship
work. Relationships require good communication skills – being
able to resolve conflict in ways that create closeness and understanding.
It is important to be able to share feelings without creating defensiveness
and more conflict. In short, spouses need to be able to talk to
each other and creating understanding without causing more frustration,
anger, and hostility.
Having Kids Brings People Closer Together
Many couples think that having kids will bring them closer together.
Research, however, shows that having kids leads to dramatic declines
in relational satisfaction.
Having kids puts enormous strain on
a marriage, it increases the demands that couples face, and it often
leads to more conflict and less satisfying interactions. If problems
exist in a relationship, adding kids to the mix, only makes the
problems worse, not better.
Spouses do NOT Cheat when Things are Going Good
It is estimated that close to 30 to 60% of all spouses will cheat
at some point in their marriage. And many people think that spouses
will only cheat when there are problems in their relationship. Cheating,
however, is more complicated than that.
Cheating is driven by a
host of factors. And it is quite possible for people who are happily
married to cheat on a spouse. Cheating can happen for a variety
of different reasons.
Article by Timothy Cole, PhD. For more information on lying, lies,
deception, love and romance, visit www.truthaboutdeception.com
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